Here is Meagan's revision chime in I'm sure the author will appreciate it!! Thanks again everyone for stopping by and sharing your thoughts...How cool are you??!!??!!
GRAND SCHEME *REVISION*
Name: Meagan
Country of residence: United States
Title: GRAND SCHEME
Genre: YA Contemporary
Word-count: 75,000
Sixteen-year-olds Bianca and Yessica make a pact to commit suicide at the Grand Canyon. Only Yessica follows through, and the lingering guilt haunts Bianca daily. When Yessica's ex finds a suicide note, his questions circle the truth. When he threatens to reveal Bianca's secret, she'll have to decide if it's worth it to keep her pain hidden anymore, or if she should finally accept help.
4 comments:
That is so much better! It's clear and precise. Good Job!
I'm sorry I didn't comment on the first one you entered, but after reading both of them, I agree that #2 is so much better. I got a clear picture of what was going on and what the conflict was. I could almost picture the sadness of truth and the MC's worry and grief. Nice!
This is looking amazing. You really drew me in with this one :)
The one last thing that caught my attention was starting two sentences in a row with "When"
If you can rework one of them to avoid that, I think you are set.
Love it and good luck :)
This is looking amazing. You really drew me in with this one :)
The one last thing that caught my attention was starting two sentences in a row with "When"
If you can rework one of them to avoid that, I think you are set.
Love it and good luck :)
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