Get Your Pitch On! REVISION- PATH UNCHOSEN!!!

Hey ALL!!! Kim has made some revisions to her pitch let's all chime in and offer our critique!!! Thanks in advance.

Name: Kim Cleary

Country of residence: Australia
Title: Path Unchosen
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Word-count: 89,000

 Judy Hudson can command the dead. She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor raising dead people and using fear to cement his power. And she has to act quickly to defeat a 200-year-old sorcerer before he gains enough strength to control her. A path towards unimagined power opens to her, can she follow it without losing the people she loves and intimacy she craves?


 WOW! Kim, this is great I feel like I am reading about a new story. I am even more intrigued. I just have a couple of ideas.


 And She has to act quickly to defeat a 200-year-old sorcerer before he gains enough strength to control her. I would take out the And, it's not needed and slows down the flow.

A path towards unimagined power opens to her, can she follow it without losing the people she loves and intimacy she craves? Maybe unimaginable works better here 

 Question: Are the mayor and this 200 year old sorcerer the same or two different antagonist ( which is how it reads now)? If it's not your intent you should make it clear to the reader. 

She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor raising dead people and using fear to cement his power. She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor, whose using fear by raising the dead to cement his power.(suggestion)

Get Your Pitch On! #2 PATH UNCHOSEN!!!

Name: Kim Cleary

Country of residence: Australia
Title: Path Unchosen
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Word-count: 89,000

Pitch: Judy Hudson is in trouble. After the orphanage she yearns for freedom and independence, but dead people rise and she is the only one who can stop them. Judy’s search for truth brings her into conflict with a ruthless Mayor and a long dead necromancer. What she finds hardens her resolve to make new choices and take a path to unimagined power. But will it bring what she most craves?

Hi Kim, thank you for participating in GYPO! you are so brave:). Below are my suggestions, and I stress my suggestions. I hope it helps.

I love the title, and I can see a lot of promise in the story. After reading your pitch, I feel like there is more to this story and the magic is in what you don't want to tell us, for fear of giving away to much. However you have succeeding in giving us nothing at all...:). What I've learned is you have to master what I call the roundabout, where you elude to your point without giving everything else.

First your first line is as important as the last line it should POP! and GRAB! the readers attention. Saying Judy Hudson is in trouble, is too vague. Why is she in trouble? What does she do as a result of this trouble? Ask yourself these questions and form a first line from that without given away to much of course

Example: Judy Hudson has to face the rise of the dead more often then anyone should. (this to can be tighten, but you get the point).

Your next line says after the orphanage she yearns for freedom and independence. Is she not free? Why not? I would assume after the orphanage means she was adopted or aged out thus making her free and giving her freedom. This isn't clear, maybe expound on this point so the reader gets a better understanding.

She is the only person who can stop the dead from rising, how, why? Maybe give some insight into her ability to do this.

Why and when did she start searching for the truth? Don't tell us the truth brings conflict show us. Who is the Mayor and the necromancer what and why are they significant? Is the truth she is searching for about them?

The next line implies that we knew about the prior choices, we don't know much about her other choices/conflicts to be effected by these new choices.

What is this unimaginable power, and how does it tie into the story? Does it have anything to do with her being able to stop the dead rising?

What does she crave? Can give the reader some idea without giving away to much?

Again these are just my suggestions, I hope it wasn't to harsh and I hope it helps. 

Please everyone chime in and critique Kim's pitch.

  

GET YOUR PITCH ON!!! #1

Workshops for Get Your Pitch On will start on today October 1, there is no date deadline for the workshops.







Name: Meagan
Country of residence: United States
Title: GRAND SCHEME
Genre: YA Contemporary
Word-count: 75,000


Pitch:  Sixteen-year-old Bianca's best friend Yessica fell to her death
from a ledge at the Grand Canyon. Everyone thinks it's an accident,
but Bianca knows the truth. They made a pact to jump. When Yessica's
ex, the lovable nerd Harvey, finds Yessica's suicide note, he asks too
many questions. If Bianca doesn't come clean about the pact and face
the consequences, Harvey might spill it for her.


Meagan, you have my attention, I really want to know why two teenage girls would make a suicide pact.  I think if you added what some of the consequences are or at least the main one(given the limited word) it will give more impact. Below is just my suggestion. It's difficult since I don't know the story but here's goes anyway.

Sixteen year old best friends Bianca and Yessica made a suicide pact one in which only one girl keeps while the other tries to maintain their secret. Things unravel when Harvey Yessica's ex-boyfriend finds her suicide note and threatens to reveal their secret. 

I think getting rid of things like lovable, nerdy, where Yessica jumps from gives you more space to add pertinent info that will draw the reader in. In my opinion you want to make your pitch jump off the page grab you reader push them to the edge of their seat and just dangle them there, even after the book ends. Just my opinion I hope it helps. 
Please feel free to offer your opinion on how to make Meagan's pitch stronger, thanks for stopping by.




INFO ON HOW TO PARTICIPATE AND GET YOUR PITCH ON!!!!!!!!!

Important Rule: If you want to participate in a workshop, you must be prepared to comment on at least one other pitch.
How to submit: Email your draft pitch to pitchonws@gmail.com and include PitchOnWS and the title of the manuscript in the subject line. Pitches must follow the formatting as specified for the Get Your Pitch On contest. If you missed if before check out this post here and you can see the list of blogs participating here.

Interview with Commissioning and Managing Editor of Hardie Grant Egmont, Marisa Pintado, will be coming up soon, so that you have an idea what she's looking for before she takes your pitches both here on Down Under Wonderings and on my group blog YAtopia on October 15th. The exact contest opening times will be included in that post.

ADDITIONALLY, there is an opportunity for you to win a ten page critique from some of the blog hosts: "Make sure to check out all of the workshop host blogs to critique more pitches. For each critique you leave in the comments, you get an entry into the drawing to win one of eight 10-page critiques from our contest host Sharon Johnston and workshop hosts Larissa Hardesty, Stephanie Diaz, Catherine Scully, Jodie Andrefski, Paula Sangare, Talynn Lynn and Kaitlin Adams, "Also, Sarah Nicolas will be giving away three query critiques!"

  Please use the exact same name for all of your critiques. The opportunity ends 10/14/2012." 



Stop by and visit all participating blogs and lend your critique. Listed below are links to all blogs. You can find a list of all the participating blogs HERE

Get Your Pitch On Workshops!!

Thank you all so much for stopping by. I am super excited about this contest, please stop by and help out on October 1. There are no requirements to join this blog to participate, but it would be way cool if you did as well as comment to help all the fellow authors participating.  Below you will find all the details.

Workshops for Get Your Pitch On will start on October 1, but you can send your pitches through now to secure your spot with a host blog.
There is no date deadline for the workshops. Each blog has allocated a set number of pitches that they can host and once those spots are full then no more submissions will be taken.
Important Rule: If you want to participate in a workshop, you must be prepared to comment on at least one other pitch.
How to submit: Email your draft pitch to pitchonws@gmail.com and include PitchOnWS and the title of the manuscript in the subject line. Pitches must follow the formatting as specified for the Get Your Pitch On contest. If you missed if before check out this post here and you can see the list of blogs participating here.
Draft pitches will be evenly distributed between host blogs.
And interview with Commissioning and Managing Editor of Hardie Grant Egmont, Marisa Pintado, will be coming up soon on my blog so that you have an idea what she's looking for before she takes your pitches both here on Down Under Wonderings and on my group blog YAtopia on October 15th. The exact contest opening times will be included in that post.

ADDITIONALLY, there is an opportunity for you to win a ten page critique from some of the blog hosts: "Make sure to check out all of the workshop host blogs to critique more pitches. For each critique you leave in the comments, you get an entry into the drawing to win one of eight 10-page critiques from our contest host Sharon Johnston and workshop hosts Larissa Hardesty, Stephanie Diaz, Catherine Scully, Jodie Andrefski, Paula Sangare, Talynn Lynn and Kaitlin Adams, "Also, Sarah Nicolas will be giving away three query critiques!"

  Please use the exact same name for all of your critiques. The opportunity ends 10/14/2012." 



Have fun honing your pitches!

GET YOUR PITCH ON OCTOBER

Here's the details you've been waiting for!

Commissioning and Managing Editor of Hardie Grant Egmont, Marisa Pintado, will be poised and ready to take your pitches both here on Down Under Wonderings and on my group blog YAtopia on October 15th. 

Marisa is looking for YA in any genre and is accepting submissions from any where in the world. It's your chance to skip the slush pile and put your pitch right under the nose of a fantastic editor. There's even better news - there is no limit on how many requests Marisa will make from the contest. 

Here's the rules:

• Your manuscript must be complete, polished and ready to query - this means no first drafts or almost finished manuscripts.
• It must be YA.
• When the contest goes live on October 15th, post your entry details in the comments section of either YAtopia or Down Under Wonderings - each blog is accepting 100 entries only.
• Your entry detail needs to include a 50 - 70 word pitch.
• You can enter more than once if you have more than one complete, polished, ready to query manuscript.

Your contest details should be formatted like this:

Name: Sharon Johnston
Email: smjohnston [ @ ] live.com.au
Country of residence: Australia
Title: SLEEPER
Genre: Speculative Fiction
Word-count: 58,000
Pitch: Seventeen-year-old Mishca Richardson is a sleeper soldier with a weak heart. She has no idea that a life saving heart transplant has accidentally triggered her programming. In the search for answers, she discovers the truth and that her creator, Wirth, has classified her remaining "sisters" from her experiment group as defective, scheduling them for termination. Mishca sets out to save them before they're eliminated. 

Just as it's important to get someone else to look over your manuscript before you query, it's a good idea to get feedback on your pitch before you post. We have about twenty blogs who are ready to help you hone your pitch. These workshops start on October 1 and you can find the list of blogs participating here. 

GET YOUR PITCH ON WORKSHOP

I'M A HOST BLOG FOR

YAtopia and Down Under Wonderings are coordinating GET YOUR PITCH ON. a chance to skip the slush pile.  A snippet of information from YAtopia:

Here's the rules:

• Your manuscript must be complete, polished and ready to query - this means no first drafts or almost finished manuscripts.
• It must be YA.
• When the contest goes live on October 15th, post your entry details in the comments section of either YAtopia or Down Under Wonderings - each blog is accepting 100 entries only.
• Your entry detail needs to include a 50 - 70 word pitch.
• You can enter more than once if you have more than one complete, polished, ready to query manuscript.

Just as it's important to get someone else to look over your manuscript before you query, it's a good idea to get feedback on your pitch before you post. We have about 26 blogs who are ready to help you hone your pitch. These workshops start on October 1.


I'm one of the 26 blogs hosting pitch feed back October 1!

Want more information? Check it out

Want to be a host for the Get Your Pitch On polish? Sign up here.

Looking for other blogs hosting the Get Your Pitch On polish? They're here.

I'm not participating as my MS is still a WIP, but I can't wait to finish all these contest are so exciting and the information you can take away is invaluable. Good luck to all the participants!!!
I'll share more information as I get it. Be sure to bookmark YAtopia and Down Under Wonderings for the latest news.