Get Your Pitch On! REVISION- PATH UNCHOSEN!!!

Hey ALL!!! Kim has made some revisions to her pitch let's all chime in and offer our critique!!! Thanks in advance.

Name: Kim Cleary

Country of residence: Australia
Title: Path Unchosen
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Word-count: 89,000

 Judy Hudson can command the dead. She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor raising dead people and using fear to cement his power. And she has to act quickly to defeat a 200-year-old sorcerer before he gains enough strength to control her. A path towards unimagined power opens to her, can she follow it without losing the people she loves and intimacy she craves?


 WOW! Kim, this is great I feel like I am reading about a new story. I am even more intrigued. I just have a couple of ideas.


 And She has to act quickly to defeat a 200-year-old sorcerer before he gains enough strength to control her. I would take out the And, it's not needed and slows down the flow.

A path towards unimagined power opens to her, can she follow it without losing the people she loves and intimacy she craves? Maybe unimaginable works better here 

 Question: Are the mayor and this 200 year old sorcerer the same or two different antagonist ( which is how it reads now)? If it's not your intent you should make it clear to the reader. 

She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor raising dead people and using fear to cement his power. She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor, whose using fear by raising the dead to cement his power.(suggestion)

GET YOUR PITCH ON WORKSHOP

I'M A HOST BLOG FOR

YAtopia and Down Under Wonderings are coordinating GET YOUR PITCH ON. a chance to skip the slush pile.  A snippet of information from YAtopia:

Here's the rules:

• Your manuscript must be complete, polished and ready to query - this means no first drafts or almost finished manuscripts.
• It must be YA.
• When the contest goes live on October 15th, post your entry details in the comments section of either YAtopia or Down Under Wonderings - each blog is accepting 100 entries only.
• Your entry detail needs to include a 50 - 70 word pitch.
• You can enter more than once if you have more than one complete, polished, ready to query manuscript.

Just as it's important to get someone else to look over your manuscript before you query, it's a good idea to get feedback on your pitch before you post. We have about 26 blogs who are ready to help you hone your pitch. These workshops start on October 1.


I'm one of the 26 blogs hosting pitch feed back October 1!

Want more information? Check it out

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Looking for other blogs hosting the Get Your Pitch On polish? They're here.

I'm not participating as my MS is still a WIP, but I can't wait to finish all these contest are so exciting and the information you can take away is invaluable. Good luck to all the participants!!!
I'll share more information as I get it. Be sure to bookmark YAtopia and Down Under Wonderings for the latest news.