Get Your Pitch On! REVISION- PATH UNCHOSEN!!!

Hey ALL!!! Kim has made some revisions to her pitch let's all chime in and offer our critique!!! Thanks in advance.

Name: Kim Cleary

Country of residence: Australia
Title: Path Unchosen
Genre: Urban Fantasy
Word-count: 89,000

 Judy Hudson can command the dead. She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor raising dead people and using fear to cement his power. And she has to act quickly to defeat a 200-year-old sorcerer before he gains enough strength to control her. A path towards unimagined power opens to her, can she follow it without losing the people she loves and intimacy she craves?


 WOW! Kim, this is great I feel like I am reading about a new story. I am even more intrigued. I just have a couple of ideas.


 And She has to act quickly to defeat a 200-year-old sorcerer before he gains enough strength to control her. I would take out the And, it's not needed and slows down the flow.

A path towards unimagined power opens to her, can she follow it without losing the people she loves and intimacy she craves? Maybe unimaginable works better here 

 Question: Are the mayor and this 200 year old sorcerer the same or two different antagonist ( which is how it reads now)? If it's not your intent you should make it clear to the reader. 

She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor raising dead people and using fear to cement his power. She's the only person who can stop the ruthless Mayor, whose using fear by raising the dead to cement his power.(suggestion)

Get Your Pitch On!! Grand Scheme **REVISION**

Hey All,


Here is Meagan's revision chime in I'm sure the author will appreciate it!! Thanks again everyone for stopping by and sharing your thoughts...How cool are you??!!??!!






GRAND SCHEME *REVISION*


Name: Meagan
Country of residence: United States
Title: GRAND SCHEME
Genre: YA Contemporary
Word-count: 75,000

Sixteen-year-olds Bianca and Yessica make a pact to commit suicide at the Grand Canyon. Only Yessica follows through, and the lingering guilt haunts Bianca daily. When Yessica's ex finds a suicide note, his questions circle the truth. When he threatens to reveal Bianca's secret, she'll have to decide if it's worth it to keep her pain hidden anymore, or if she should finally accept help.

GET YOUR PITCH ON!!! #1

Workshops for Get Your Pitch On will start on today October 1, there is no date deadline for the workshops.







Name: Meagan
Country of residence: United States
Title: GRAND SCHEME
Genre: YA Contemporary
Word-count: 75,000


Pitch:  Sixteen-year-old Bianca's best friend Yessica fell to her death
from a ledge at the Grand Canyon. Everyone thinks it's an accident,
but Bianca knows the truth. They made a pact to jump. When Yessica's
ex, the lovable nerd Harvey, finds Yessica's suicide note, he asks too
many questions. If Bianca doesn't come clean about the pact and face
the consequences, Harvey might spill it for her.


Meagan, you have my attention, I really want to know why two teenage girls would make a suicide pact.  I think if you added what some of the consequences are or at least the main one(given the limited word) it will give more impact. Below is just my suggestion. It's difficult since I don't know the story but here's goes anyway.

Sixteen year old best friends Bianca and Yessica made a suicide pact one in which only one girl keeps while the other tries to maintain their secret. Things unravel when Harvey Yessica's ex-boyfriend finds her suicide note and threatens to reveal their secret. 

I think getting rid of things like lovable, nerdy, where Yessica jumps from gives you more space to add pertinent info that will draw the reader in. In my opinion you want to make your pitch jump off the page grab you reader push them to the edge of their seat and just dangle them there, even after the book ends. Just my opinion I hope it helps. 
Please feel free to offer your opinion on how to make Meagan's pitch stronger, thanks for stopping by.




INFO ON HOW TO PARTICIPATE AND GET YOUR PITCH ON!!!!!!!!!

Important Rule: If you want to participate in a workshop, you must be prepared to comment on at least one other pitch.
How to submit: Email your draft pitch to pitchonws@gmail.com and include PitchOnWS and the title of the manuscript in the subject line. Pitches must follow the formatting as specified for the Get Your Pitch On contest. If you missed if before check out this post here and you can see the list of blogs participating here.

Interview with Commissioning and Managing Editor of Hardie Grant Egmont, Marisa Pintado, will be coming up soon, so that you have an idea what she's looking for before she takes your pitches both here on Down Under Wonderings and on my group blog YAtopia on October 15th. The exact contest opening times will be included in that post.

ADDITIONALLY, there is an opportunity for you to win a ten page critique from some of the blog hosts: "Make sure to check out all of the workshop host blogs to critique more pitches. For each critique you leave in the comments, you get an entry into the drawing to win one of eight 10-page critiques from our contest host Sharon Johnston and workshop hosts Larissa Hardesty, Stephanie Diaz, Catherine Scully, Jodie Andrefski, Paula Sangare, Talynn Lynn and Kaitlin Adams, "Also, Sarah Nicolas will be giving away three query critiques!"

  Please use the exact same name for all of your critiques. The opportunity ends 10/14/2012." 



Stop by and visit all participating blogs and lend your critique. Listed below are links to all blogs. You can find a list of all the participating blogs HERE

OOPS! I did a bad thing

I try to always be PC and trust me I never want to offend anyone. With that said I would like to send a BIG APOLOGY!!!! TO Ellie and Ellie2 for posting content from her blog here on my blog.

I absolutely love her blog it's a wealth of info. I always send other writers in my circle over to her blog.  The reason I actually posted the content was because someone asked me what other pitch contest where happening around the blogs. I sent her a link to Ellie's blog after gushing over how great she was and telling her to follow. I then had the clever idea to post that info from her blog (bad thing).

I honestly didn't mean to offend her or anyone I was just trying to pass on info for those who may not know. As I am in the dark  a lot about things happening in the blog-a-sphere for writers.

I found out about GUTGAA from Angie, thank you.

I posted a comment on Ellie's page thanking her for  a wonderful blog, and I should have taken that opportunity to ask permission. It won't happen again. Again Ellie I am a fan, and I apologize for copying your info. Thanks for the lesson in blog etiquette